The 2 elements of Fruitful Feedback
Over years I noticed how feedback can stir up all kinds of self-doubt, defensiveness and career worries – and if handled poorly, it can go toxic and disrupt relationships.
I wanted to think about feedback differently. What if, it isn’t about pointing out others’ weaknesses; on the contrary, if it were about helping others eliminate stumbling blocks in order to build on their strengths, their ideas. You probably have heard Ken Blanchard's famous quote: "Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” My response is: HOW? Now I believe giving and asking for Feedback is like the Champions League for effective communication.
At a recent event with my mentor Eric Edmeades, founder of WildFit and Business Freedom, I was stunned by his simple yet highly effective way of verbalizing feedback to others, when you actually want to tell them what they could do better. And that is such a tricky one sometimes, isn't it. Think about it, when you have a good idea, or have presented a suggestion or showed your concept to a single person or a group, how does it feel, when the listener starts talking?
Firstly let's talk about GIVING FEEDBACK
How does it feel when they go: 'I don't like it.' 'That's not good enough.', or even 'What a stupid idea!'
If feels rubbish, right. And so often that is the bland and harsh reality. And it is the same for other languages too, compare it to you native language, mine is German.
You have put effort into this, have put your mind to it, have given your best!
So Eric said instead:
'In my opinion it WOULD BE EVEN BETTER if/when/with,....'
How does that feel instead? Better, right! It is a revelation!
You feel heard, valued, acknowledged, you actually can still stand tall and the funny thing is, your mind is keen to hear the suggestion of the other person. It is an effective communication technique to keeping the mind OPEN, the conversation in flow, this enhances chances of a successful and respectful long-term relationship.
Step 1: Giving Feedback Actionable:
"In my opinion/I believe it WOULD BE EVEN BETTER if/when/with....'
Use it from now on and notice the difference!
Make it a guideline in your environment with family, friends, work meetings, and upgrade your level of connection and positive meeting culture.
Secondly ASKING for Feedback
When it comes to personal growth, it’s easy to see other people's “blind spots,” but not our own.
Which is why there's such tremendous value in having people in our lives who we can ask for genuine feedback.
I highly recommend being very selective about who you ask because sometimes the closest people to you aren’t necessarily the best candidates.
Brave Question to get your powerful feedback:
Is there something you know about myself that I don't know and/or something you see and I don't.
If you want feedback, look for these 3 qualities
I don’t know what’s going on in your life right now, but I know that you have people in your life who can help you.
Everyone who you think cares about you almost certainly does. However, not everyone has your highest good in mind. So, if you’d like to know who to talk to in order to receive really good feedback and not agenda-driven information, there are three qualities to watch out for.
Only ask someone for feedback if:
You care about this person and you know deep down that they care about you.
This person has no agenda for you other than your fulfillment and happiness.
They are growing themselves and they’re not threatened by your growth.
Step 2: Asking for Feedback
Find someone who fits those three qualities.
Give them a call or take them out for coffee and say,
“You know, I want to grow. I’ve been thinking that you know me, and there may be something you see about me that I’m not seeing about myself that could help me grow. If there’s anything that you see about me that you think I may not see about myself that could help me grow, would you be willing to tell me? You don’t have to answer it right now.” (Mary Morrissey)
Then open up to the growth that can happen through sharing, being transparent and being willing to grow.
Life is in every single one of us, and it’s seeking growth. Everything that’s alive is growing. Look at nature: change is growth.
And although there are many, many different ways to grow, one of the best ways is to surround yourself with people who can help you.
If you like what you just read, leave a comment and
let me know how this Feedback action works for you.
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Julia Seibold, Happiness Coach
Master Person-Centered NLP and integrative Hypnotherapy
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