Parenting is so easy...
...you just want to know the How, right? I always knew that I want to be a mum, this was a crystal clear vision like an image or a movie in my head. I could imagine pushing or even go running with the buggy, looking at a smiley happy baby. I knew that life would change, no doubt! Change is part of life, I was prepared for a big change. It did not phase me at all: At some point in life, I wanted to become a mum. Nowadays I call this manifesting or visioneering, back then I would have called it dreaming and wishing.
Funnily, I had never really paid attention when I was younger how to handle babies, how to change their nappies, how to feed them or what to feed them. I was aware that you need lots of clothes, bottles, toys, car seats, etc, equipment, right. Like when you want to play different types of sport (watersport, wintersport, racquet sports) you want to make sure the equipment is top. Then you are halfway there! Well, I guess you could call this: being naive. Or if you feel generous call it: innocent. In 2001, the very second I learned that I am actually pregnant, expecting our first baby, I started to have this feeling inside of me which I had never felt before. It kind of was mainly located in my solar plexus, but really I felt it flowing and waving through my whole body.... .....RESPONSIBILITY!
Can you relate to that? Oh gosh, everything was new, quite overwhelming. As I grew bigger, the awareness of responsibility for this human being inside of me grew as well. Having gained 15kg, I remember a moment in a hotel when someone smiling at me and my baby bum asks: 'How do you feel?' I said stroking my belly lovingly 'Great...and I feel responsible.' Why am I getting teary when I write this, I guess, because the transformation from a woman to a mother is huge, and when thinking about it: the ordinary turns extra-ordinary. So often in life we do not acknowledge us enough for our achievements. Generally speaking it appears to be a very ordinary reproductive matter, but individually each person is undergoing all this change, emotionally, physiologically, psychological, socially..(I bet there is more) I love being a mother, mum, mummy, Mama!
I feel blessed and fortunate having received the gift to raise two children together with my husband. We both feel this sense of responsibility to give our BEST every day since and going forward.
The time between 2002 when our first child was born, 2005 birth of the second and now 2018 is the best time of our lives. And every day it just gets better. We can not imagine a time without children.
Did we know how to do it? How to be a parent? Let me first put you at ease, if you are questioning your parenting ability right now? Whether you are thinking about having a child, or are in the midst of a two-year toddler tantrum phase, or even entangled in the clever arguments of your teenager....Let me tell you: You are doing your best. If you knew a better way to manage a situation you would choose the better option, wouldn't you?
Do I have all the answers to parenting: No, every day brings some new insights, learnings and twists to parenting. After all, I am now for the first time a mum to a 16 year old boy and the first time mum to a 13 year old daughter. Everything is new every time. Soon I will attempt to be a parent to an adult. Being challenged is part of my being. And I suspect this is part of the secret to enjoying motherhood, parenthood, to see every challenge as an invitation for your own growth.
The most positive aspect:
I believe as a parent, we get the privilege and quest to grow alongside our children. Our biggest lessons in life we can learn directly from our own children. In moments no-one is preparing us for, we will feel a trigger, and that's your cue!! It might be that your child is not listening to what you say, and you believe this is rude. Well, you attach the meaning to the possibility that your child is simply just not interested in your topic. Does your child have to be interested in what you say? Pay attention to how easily as a parent we fall into 'controlling' rather than 'caring'. Often this happens in scenarios which the parent has lived through as a child themselves and has not fully been processed. In the parents childhood they were not listening, and were told off for it, maybe being shouted at for this 'rude' behaviour. Well, as history repeats itself, the now-parents get a chance to cut the cord and to learn for the better, or actually for the benefit of their child. If the parent accesses a new, more understanding, more conscious choice with the best intention of the child in focus, then they are both free! The parent is finally free of an old pattern and the child is free to express their interest to what is important to their growth, mindset, interest and personality.
If consciousness reaches a fair level, and this can be practised through training in awareness and communication (give me a call), situations which used to be fiery/steamy/ego-centric don't have to be. We can learn to take a step back, or as if we float over the situation and take a meta-position....actually be grateful for the moment of truth to present itself. From here no nasty argument is needed, in fact deep connection and compassion take its place.
Who benefits?...you and your child (and your relationship between mum and dad, this is worth another blog post)
Self-development training through NLP and Hypnosis, letting go of old stories and patterns can be the way to live an empowered conscious parenting approach. Communication is key!
The difficulty is not the child, its your own inner child, how you listen and heal it, to then parent your own children as the amazing adult they deserve to have.
Work on yourself, parenting begins way before you fall pregnant. Your inner work lies the foundation of the connection you are going to feel, and how you will foster the life which will grow inside of you and for most of the time outside of you. The moment of birth, leaving the vessel, cutting the cord you actually give permission (for this spirit) to fly with its own wings. Actually I am not scientifically sure if it is correct to call it spirit here, but that is how I like to visualise it. It is your responsibility to take care of the human being and of yourself long before you go for a run with the push-chair and learn how to change nappies. That is just maintenance. I believe you begin to prepare being a parent to moment you visualise and dream about becoming a mum or dad. Over our lifetime, our subconscious mind will have taken note of countless moments, will have stored memories and details of any child/parent situation which we encountered. Based on all those informations we will have a clear subconscious and vague conscious concept of how we will BE as a parent. Mainly shaped by how our parents parented us. Imagine being the best parent you can be. Now be the best parent you can be.
(Inspired by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, The Awakened family) Much love, Julia
#Joy #Optimist #NLP #empowerment #communication #newbeginnings