Isn't it fascinating, life unfolds and we don't know what is going to happen. When I go to bed, I assume that the sun will shine the next morning, or is hiding behind clouds, giving Mother Earth the vital energy and warmth. It's certain, I don't even think about it, do you? Have you heard of the 6 human needs: As a human being we have these different needs:
certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection/love, growth and to contribute. (Source : Tony Robbins)
Our behaviour is managed around these needs. With every behaviour, with every action we take, with every decision we make, we want to meet at least one of those needs. When in situations which feel like a challenge, when it feels like 'something goes against us', those needs are threatened. It is so simple, just picture yourself, when you drive to work or home and someone has parked in 'your' parking spot! Does that irritate? Your need for certainty is challenged. How do you respond? How long do you stay irritated or frustrated. Do you go off and talk about it with friends or colleagues. Are you making a big deal of it, or can you let it pass? Your response to situations which challenge you, will play a crucial role on your stress level. Picture another situation: You are young and in love, maybe first love, maybe second love, definitely love at first sight. All is fun, you are besotted, see each other all the time, you are on cloud nine, but after a while your partner isn't so loved-up any more decides to stop the relationship. That's it, just like that. Your need for love/connection and certainty are both triggered. Of course you are deeply sad and life is different from now on. Oh yes, it is. If only you knew the future, right? Life goes on and on, life itself does do that, like the sun is here for us ....every day! That's as certain as it gets. If you ever look for an example, the sun is your go-to-friend for certainty. Wouldn't it be nice to know, why things happen in life? Wouldn't that make you less stressed out? I wonder if it does. Unless you are an oracle, your future is most likely unforeseeable. This made me curious.
Two concepts to face any challenge or difficulty, at any time: 1. Pro-noia I first heard of this life-affirming concept from Paul McKenna. I listened to his hypnosis tracks as part of my study for the NLP Practitioner training. He explains how much nicer, smoother, easier life and its challenging situations feel when we pre-suppose that they are happening in our favor. Yes, even the once which are hard to tackle. McKenna says, when we assume that everyone around us, the people, the time, the universe is conspiring for us rather than against us....everything makes sense. Life begins to make sense more and more, and I personally noticed it starts to feel like a game, it makes me feel playful. 2. The Hindsight window The time between an incident and the moment we accept it has happened, find a resolution, is described as 'the hindsight window' by Eric Edmeades. He believes that the shorter the hindsight window the happier you are!! I invite you to watch his captivating talk at Mindvalley for more inspiration. He is funny, witty and a brilliant speaker...You will enjoy this video, click link here.
Using these two concepts
I can fully agree with Eric, and am a great fan of both concepts. I noticed that it requires some practise, like when you train your muscle which grows stronger, so does your belief system. It becomes a habit to reframe 'bad' events and to be able to quickly turn them around. It helps being aware of your human needs when you reframe, or look for the positive (Pro-noia) in actions of others, and in finding resolution with the event. How can this 'bad' event help me move forward? How can I learn from this? Which need does this event address? Which need can I fulfill now even better since this event happened?
Imagine you are 99 years old, don't you want to look back at your life with a smile. Smiling about all those wonderful events which had made sense for a long time! Then you are telling your stories from an inspiring perspective and can laugh about the many hurdles and obstacles, which were part of your life and now make up for good stories! Make sure you remember them. I am very curious to hear from you. Let me know how you make sense of the events in your life, how do you maintain a healthy happy state. If you have another concept to add to my two, please comment. If you have other insights into the needs list, let me know as well. Let's grow our knowledge together.
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Julia